Being helpless
I hate most the feeling of helplessness whilst waiting for information or news of something that I need to proceed on my journey through this life.
Right now I need something to happen to further my being and I have found out that 'it' might take as long as a month to happen.
A month!
A whole darn month that I could otherwise be using to create a whole new me.
Sometimes I am not happy.
Life sucks and then you die right?
If it were not for ill luck I would not have much luck at all it seems.
Yet I have had the most luck of all since I am here pounding away at these very keys typing this drivel and no one is the wiser.
The many exploits that might have taken someone else to their grave I have conquered and exploited for my own gain if not in length of life but in experience, certainly not for monetary gain.
The evils of seeking the cash at the end of the rainbow must be one of my most horrible dreams. Not a nightmare mind you but the thought of getting something without effort (much effort mind you) has been a carrot stuck out in front of me my whole life and I find it easier to ignore it now than to try to grasp that which has little if any benefit.
Money does buy certain things but it never will buy things that you appreciate the most like true friends or happiness.
Of course I'd like to try a little variation on the old get rich and buy what I like deal once just to make sure you know.
Falling in love with someone who might just love you for the person you are might be better than being used because you have cash but it won't satisfy the lust in ones heart.
There is a certain 'someone' whom I respect greatly who is sticking to her guns and that is one of the things I find most attractive about her.
She is willing to suffer a harder life (sans me) than necessary even with the opportunity of escape inches away merely because she said she would.
Not a married person mind you, just a girl who won't bail on her man cause things are tight.
Why can't I meet a girl like that?
Looks are one thing but personal integrity is something else.
I heard all that stuff about a man being only as good as his word and by golly it seems to have come true that I think the same way as all them old people who told me that crap who were once as young as I was once.
Learn from the past? Not in any young mans life!
A young man (myself) feels that 'This must certainly be the first time anyone has felt this way and if anyone else even suggests something different I will throw up because, I must be right!' Right?
I find myself wondering why I have nothing.
Then I remember. I have everything.
I was not willing to sacrifice myself for greed or security for the things money might procure.
What good would they do me while I was suffering from the guilt?
While I am a selfish person now it has been through great effort. Once upon a time I used to anything to make people happy with knowing me. Now I just hope I don't piss them off to much if I don't pay attention to them like they think I should.
Bad people? They are all around me but I pretty much ignore them. If I have to converse with them due to work or society rules I then take the high road and offer them courtesy but always with the look in my eyes that they must be able to read as "Hey I might have to say something but I wish you were not here because- not that I am better than you, but you are worse then me-."
When asked the question of how my day is going I always have the ready answer of "it has to get better" unless the question had been asked by someone whom I choose to speak with and then I will seek to understand the depth of their question. Polite greeting or concern?
Here is a thought.
Something happens.
To you.
To me.
Same thing right?
Do you think this, that or the other thing?
You might.
I think of the three hundred sixty ways the facts might be construed since I have the time. My point of view at this one place and from the opposite end and then from the left and from the right. Given I have the time right?
No time? Then I make a decision and follow through because I have picked which way I want things to fall. To the right. What ever will be right. Not what will be best for me but what will let me sleep without having to think that I just ruined some poor (poorer) jerks life just cause I thought I could make a bit of cash.
The few times I did such a thing I hate and wring my hands over the concern.
Telling someone that they dropped a dollar bill or something of worth and them taking them back into their possession is one of my favorite things.
Having to hand change back to cashiers because they gave me to much change is not my favorite thing but it is the 'one thing' I will do because they should learn how to make change and not cost their employer profits due to their ignorance.
Three dollars and ninety four cents from five dollars is six cents right? Not six dollars and six cents. If you have never had to hand cash back to someone and explain how you arrived at you answer; that you only handed them a five dollar bill and there should not be any way that they should have to pay me to eat their food, then you are lucky.
Or taking cash from morons because it is easy to do.
How do you know that they have to make up the difference?
Didn't know and don't care?
Wait till it happens to you and you need the extra fifteen bucks you lost to get something special for someone else. Then you will thank your god that someone out there is a nice person and not a grand witch of some cult.
Hey think this way or die!
I had to do it. Or suffer.
Thank you U.S.Army...
Now I am nobody and happy to be me.
Sorta.
Right now I need something to happen to further my being and I have found out that 'it' might take as long as a month to happen.
A month!
A whole darn month that I could otherwise be using to create a whole new me.
Sometimes I am not happy.
Life sucks and then you die right?
If it were not for ill luck I would not have much luck at all it seems.
Yet I have had the most luck of all since I am here pounding away at these very keys typing this drivel and no one is the wiser.
The many exploits that might have taken someone else to their grave I have conquered and exploited for my own gain if not in length of life but in experience, certainly not for monetary gain.
The evils of seeking the cash at the end of the rainbow must be one of my most horrible dreams. Not a nightmare mind you but the thought of getting something without effort (much effort mind you) has been a carrot stuck out in front of me my whole life and I find it easier to ignore it now than to try to grasp that which has little if any benefit.
Money does buy certain things but it never will buy things that you appreciate the most like true friends or happiness.
Of course I'd like to try a little variation on the old get rich and buy what I like deal once just to make sure you know.
Falling in love with someone who might just love you for the person you are might be better than being used because you have cash but it won't satisfy the lust in ones heart.
There is a certain 'someone' whom I respect greatly who is sticking to her guns and that is one of the things I find most attractive about her.
She is willing to suffer a harder life (sans me) than necessary even with the opportunity of escape inches away merely because she said she would.
Not a married person mind you, just a girl who won't bail on her man cause things are tight.
Why can't I meet a girl like that?
Looks are one thing but personal integrity is something else.
I heard all that stuff about a man being only as good as his word and by golly it seems to have come true that I think the same way as all them old people who told me that crap who were once as young as I was once.
Learn from the past? Not in any young mans life!
A young man (myself) feels that 'This must certainly be the first time anyone has felt this way and if anyone else even suggests something different I will throw up because, I must be right!' Right?
I find myself wondering why I have nothing.
Then I remember. I have everything.
I was not willing to sacrifice myself for greed or security for the things money might procure.
What good would they do me while I was suffering from the guilt?
While I am a selfish person now it has been through great effort. Once upon a time I used to anything to make people happy with knowing me. Now I just hope I don't piss them off to much if I don't pay attention to them like they think I should.
Bad people? They are all around me but I pretty much ignore them. If I have to converse with them due to work or society rules I then take the high road and offer them courtesy but always with the look in my eyes that they must be able to read as "Hey I might have to say something but I wish you were not here because- not that I am better than you, but you are worse then me-."
When asked the question of how my day is going I always have the ready answer of "it has to get better" unless the question had been asked by someone whom I choose to speak with and then I will seek to understand the depth of their question. Polite greeting or concern?
Here is a thought.
Something happens.
To you.
To me.
Same thing right?
Do you think this, that or the other thing?
You might.
I think of the three hundred sixty ways the facts might be construed since I have the time. My point of view at this one place and from the opposite end and then from the left and from the right. Given I have the time right?
No time? Then I make a decision and follow through because I have picked which way I want things to fall. To the right. What ever will be right. Not what will be best for me but what will let me sleep without having to think that I just ruined some poor (poorer) jerks life just cause I thought I could make a bit of cash.
The few times I did such a thing I hate and wring my hands over the concern.
Telling someone that they dropped a dollar bill or something of worth and them taking them back into their possession is one of my favorite things.
Having to hand change back to cashiers because they gave me to much change is not my favorite thing but it is the 'one thing' I will do because they should learn how to make change and not cost their employer profits due to their ignorance.
Three dollars and ninety four cents from five dollars is six cents right? Not six dollars and six cents. If you have never had to hand cash back to someone and explain how you arrived at you answer; that you only handed them a five dollar bill and there should not be any way that they should have to pay me to eat their food, then you are lucky.
Or taking cash from morons because it is easy to do.
How do you know that they have to make up the difference?
Didn't know and don't care?
Wait till it happens to you and you need the extra fifteen bucks you lost to get something special for someone else. Then you will thank your god that someone out there is a nice person and not a grand witch of some cult.
Hey think this way or die!
I had to do it. Or suffer.
Thank you U.S.Army...
Now I am nobody and happy to be me.
Sorta.
posted by DMHICK at 7:16 AM
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