A perfect time to reflect

Thank goodness all the hub bub over thanksgiving is over and I can relax.
My poison oak skirmish is fading into memory and the nasty case of flu I caught is in retreat.
Everyone is fine and dandy in my world. Maybe they are not happy with what they have at this time but they are not asking me for any help so I am happy.
I'm sorry the rest of the world is all messed up but maybe so it has been written that this happens to guide us along a path.
Heavy.
I'd hate to think I am anything important to what happens.
If not for my being lazy I'd be doing the tasks I need to perform right now. Thank god for 'later'.
Right now I get to pound away at the keyboard and make myself feel like I have something other than a pathetic life.
Not to say I have a pathetic life.
If only I knew what a truly pathetic life was, then I'd be on my knees thanking who ever I could for the wonderful life I do have.
It is a wonderful life.
All I have to do is to constantly remind myself to keep a grip and not to freak out huh?
There is a reason why things happen right?
I read something about Buddha and what he found and I kind of agree with a few of his points. Yes things happen. No there is nothing we can do to change things sometimes. We have been given this opportunity to live and we only have to live our lives. Therefore I am the luckiest person ever to live. I think I am happy with what I have.
The only thing that can go better for me is for the world to change into some kind of place where we all live a better life. Everyone. Not richer or happier perhaps, but someplace where we all accept responsibility for our actions and therefore we don't do the things we do to get away with the nasty things we do to get ahead since it has been drummed into our heads that to be happy we have to be successful and wealthy or something like that.
Somewhere where I don't have to feel guilty for having what I worked for while a bunch of lazy people want what I have because we live in a republic where we all have to share.
Then again I work with someone now who might be a reflection of myself and I don't like what I see.
Am I really that shallow? I can't believe I am as selfish as he might be, unless perhaps I am prejudiced because I am jealous.
Such a great life and I fall into the pits of despair by my own actions.
Can't I just be happy that I get to do what I do?
Oh yeah I forgot. I am happy.
Yeah like happiness is all that important anyway.
I guess I need confrontation to be happy.
Better than living in such a boring place that nothing ever disturbs you huh?

Another day at the races

The news of the world isn't getting any better or is it merely because the only news I hear from 'out there' is the latest worst thing that has happened because it is what sells or attracts attention?
My own world is one of wonder and delight. It is not that all around me are happy people who smile all the time and have not a care in the world, but I do notice that there are some fairly satisfied folks out here who worked for what they have and appreciate what life has to offer.
Though I pick and chose what I use to guide myself through life, words like responsibility and morals do have an impact.
One thing I use often to explain the hows and whys of day to day stuff is 'god provides for those who do'.
I understand that I have not used the exact wording nor do I probably understand the inference of what was meant by the phrase as it was written but the simple truth is that I believe that even a blind pig stumbles on a truffle every now and then and we have to wait for our time to come.
Something like that.
'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you' is another favorite.
'It's nice to be nice'
'Greed kills'
'If you hate someone you murder them in your mind'
'There is no excuse'
All of this is high and mighty of me isn't it?
I am not casting any stones as I live in a glass house.
While I judge, I remember that I too will be judged.
If I am right, we will all die and go to heaven where we will be met and assured that we are in a better place and we will decide for ourselves mostly what will become of us for eternity after we are seated and given whatever we want for refreshments and are shown our lives from birth to death as many times as we need to watch and we will see all of the things that we did, all of the ants that we burned with a magnifying glass, all of the catty things we said and the results of such actions. At the end we will either beg forgiveness or explain that we did nothing wrong and scream as we descend to hell where we will suffer every mis-deed we ever did to others. An ant will hold a magnifying glass and burn us for each one we killed. We will wilt under the scorn of feelings of shame as others mock us for being slow or weak. We will starve as we know that someone has taken our food from our mouths because we were once so blind to others that we did nothing to help them survive one more day.
One more quote 'No person past the innocent age of childhood would wantonly kill another living creature knowing how tenacious our own grasp on life is'.
I will not go down in history as anything special.
I only hope that I do not go down in history as anything horrible.
I may not pity but I do empathize.
'There go I but for the grace of god'.
Life sucks and then you die. If I were a kid growing up in Afghanistan for example I might feel a little resentful of everyone. As it is I am not. I grew up with a perfect childhood and a wonderful adulthood even if some people would hate to be me.
I have nothing. I have everything.
I want nothing.
I want more.
I need something no one can sell me.
If there is a reason for my being I only hope I accomplish whatever it is. If I already accomplished such a thing and the rest of my life is given to me for my enjoyment then I hope I learn to live each day and remember to appreciate every moment for what I have been given.
It would be a shame to find out that each one of us lived in separate dimensions and starred in our own lives, everything else we perceive as reality being our imaginations and upon ending of our lives we find out that we had wasted the one chance of life by being the one whom we most likely were because of some imbalance.
That doesn't sound right.
We find out we could have been superman except for our lack of self confidence?
Something like that.
At least in my dreams I am able to be better than I am in day to day life.
Reality is for those of us who lack imagination right?
If it is true that one religion is the only way there is to get to heaven, like christianity, then what about the rest of us who don't go there?
I hear about how god loves us all since we are his creations and I say stuff like "If I was born on some island out in the ocean way back when and never heard of god like I have in my own life now, does that mean I go to hell just because? I mean god made us all right? So did he waste all those lives he gave to those others merely because they never heard of the bible or christianity? They lived good lives and never did anything bad and helped each other exactly like what god says we should do so don't they get into heaven?"
How about the mentally retarded folks who can't perceive of such a thing as a god? Is there no room for those gentle creatures in heaven whom I think are gods favorite since they probably never even have an evil thought in their heads ever?
Such a life huh?
We will all die.
What we do next with our lives might be why we are here in the first place.
If you all merely bit players in my life then I thank you for your time and effort.
I'm sorry for all I have done that has been bad.
I only wish I had an idea what I should do next.

At long last

Finally, a day off without a darn thing to do but laundry and house keeping chores I have been putting off for way to long.
Work is great as far as work goes. I kind of do miss the stress and pace of the old job but that must be a trace of insanity. As long as I keep learning the nuances of my new duties I know I will shine.
Life just won't keep still will it? Here I get a little slack and the rest of the world plunges ahead with no regard. All this stuff happening elsewhere does make me feel glad I don't have anything to do with the mess and yet there must be something I can do to help. Beside gripe and moan that is.
Perhaps I should continue to keep my head above water as it is and let everyone else flounder as they will. If I can keep my rage inside I should be okay. The problems of the world do not need me interfering, that's all I know. I fear the results of my feelings should they become public. Judge not least ye be judged right?
If the world has to continue along the path we are following then the results will be what they will be. As it is written and all that junk. Add a pandemic and then the unrest and we might just have some loser push the button and prove how much of a dink he (she) really is.
The prediction of doom is nothing new. I believe everyone has thought that their generation has been the one that would witness the end of time. I really do not care if this is the end or not. I believe what I believe and that's all there is to say about that.
The fact that what we fat and lazy americans will go through is the challenge I hope to witness first hand.
If perchance there was something akin to a atmospheric EMP blast that messed up all our technology and all of a sudden we were stone age creatures once again I think it would be good for us to be reminded of how frail we are.
The attitudes I sense from some people would be the death of them. Money is not the answer. Power corrupts. It is nice to be nice. Not that I condone anarchy or the rule of the many by those that are strong, but the weak will be eaten.
The mighty lion in the wild is king of the beast as long as the prey he kills does not get a lucky kick to the jaw that breaks the bone, rendering the once mighty down to a helpless creature starving to death. The lowly mouse will turn and fight once it figures it has no escape. I guess even us humans are getting to a point where the division between the haves and have not's is starting to annoy us.
I have everything. I need nothing. I am blessed. I am cursed.
Life is living. Death will be watching.
Is there another dimension that we proceed to at the end of our time? One where we can see what we accomplished with our lives? Maybe we just stop being all together.
I doubt it.
I am nothing.
I am everything.
Today will be an answer of sorts. I will find someone one day who will love me.
I will love someone.
I will understand that what I feel toward the people who interfere with my life is not hatred, merely disgust. The lousy neighbor is not who I should rant and rave about, I must ignore them and pretend I never was him to someone else.
I need to get a life I guess.
Perfection isn't all it promised.
I am not who I fear I am.
At least for everyone else's sake I hope not.
Live long and prosper.
Let's all just get along as best we can huh?
Forgive me.

Even heaven has it's pitfalls

Don't get me wrong now, the new job is great.
All I need to do is get away from the guy I'm training under and start to take the breaks we have neglected to take from the first day.
I'm there to provide a service not break all records for the most work done in a day.
Not yet at least.
Got to go to work now.
Should be a glorious day.