Life beckons

Again I am besieged by happy thoughts of what may be if things work out the way I want them to.
Already I have perused E-bay for more expensive items than I might not normally shop for yet I do not expect to be able to purchase any such products since the eggs have not hatched nor have I any chickens.
I am patiently awaiting the call from my next employer and not expecting (but praying mightily for) anything except the information that I have been okay'd thus far and the next step, which should be an easy one for me since I haven't done anything to set off any alerts that might preclude me from acceptance in the hallowed place of employment I wish I might join.
I have been a good boy.
Work last night was one of things. I got through it but I was not satisfied with the results. Given the time I could do sooo much better but the higher ups have decided I should do other things rather than deal with the problems of my own section at this time.
Oh woe is me!
Every one's life should as exciting as mine is right now with the promise of betterment in the position in life I face ahead of everything else happening in the rest of the world.
I have always seen the type of "Fred Flintstone in the quarry pit" (post office as an example) life long jobs as one of those jobs where we have to work at the same place always as a 'drudge' kinda job as the thing to avoid. Always doing the same thing you come to hate but can't stop doing cause you have bills to pay anyway. Never getting anything except too little money for the labor you perform everyday and knowing that there are plenty of people out there who would think that you have things nice as it is. Now I strive for that job.
Feeling unhappy with the good things I have is getting to be a bore.
Yes I am lucky to be me but you might be just as lucky not to be me as well.
Two of us might have to take over the world and where would we find the time to mess around huh?
At heart I am a hermit who dislikes everything about the way things in the world are proceeding.
Why the heck can't we all just get along?
Any person past the innocent age of childhood should know that the efforts of living in this day and age are arduous in the very least and we should not belittle anyone for the progress they have made thus far.
I should know that.
I still bitch and moan about how my associates are slow and lazy with no sense of urgency because I know that the roof (work) might fall on us tomorrow and if prepared we can sustain little damage if we have done extra (work) to make room for the new extra stuff.
Know what I do?
I put stuff away. It comes in and I put it away. Sometimes I hide it cuz there is nothing else I can do with it.
We are full!
Not really. We could do a whole lot better with more people but the higher ups must feel that if sixteen of us can do what we do and they can get by with and that it must be good enough.
No matter that twenty four of us could do better, but that would cut into the fifty four billion dollar a year profits!
My next job will not be so controlled by profits as the need for our service is urgent and people will pay through the nose to get service rendered.
Which will be reason enough for me to be paid twice as much to start as I am paid now after being there a year and a half.
Still...
I won't even be middle class as far as the class structure thing goes.
Poor white trash huh?
Yeah that's me.
And happy to be me...

Life is looking better

Out of the blue I received a telephone call friday afternoon from a place I had interviewed and tested with last june and I now have my hopes up that I just might get the job I have had my sights set on since.
The other 'great job' I recently had my hopes up for smacked me down pretty hard when apparently the fellow in charge of hiring for this district began having personal problems and I was pushed to the back burner.
Didn't he know how much I need to get out of where I am?
None the less, I am again living with the knowledge that this may be my last week at a job I detest and abhor.
This coming new month may be the best of my life.
I might not be able to be such a bummer anymore if there isn't a crappy job to complain about huh?
Nah. There is the rest of the world left for me to empathize with.
The very thought of not having to scrap and scrimp every nickel (not that I do) and having medical and dental bennies once again is going to be wonderful.
Sure I'll miss some of the good people I work with but I'm sure they will stay in contact if I answer any missives sent my way. I gave them my e-mail address without asking for theirs cause that's the way I am. If they don't really want to they don't have to stay in touch. We are just work buddies after all.
The evil folk whom I work with will be forgotten forever. Immediately.
Life is looking better.

What the hey

Ain't nothing but a thing. Last night was a confirmation that corporate has no idea what the heck is going on in reality.
Life is not meant to be so difficult.
Either you live by providing for yourself or you rely upon others right?
I'm doing my best to be on my own and not being a drain upon anyone yet I find that most of my time is being wasted by being considerate of others and having to do for them that they cannot do, thus taking my precious time and effort away from making my life easier.
Ain't nothing in the long run.
They don't owe me nothing.
Maybe a little respect.
What's that get you?
I'd like to be a hermit and not hear all this stuff going on out here in the world and concentrate on being me but stuff happens. Mom has to get this and that and I tell her not to worry but to enjoy everything. Her response is the same. She is not dead yet and wants more stuff.
Cool.
Anything for MOM.
People should get respect for what they do and who they are not for how much money they can steal.
The only time I wish I was in jail is when one of those big guys gets put away for milking billions or millions from mom and pop and gets seven years, which means they get out in seventeen months or so, from minimum security and still have all the loot to spend. I'd like to do something to make them aware that god does not like what they are doing.
Yet again.
Is that god's will?
Geez I knew he was a rough customer but I didn't think he'd do this to us.
Oh woe is me.
Bring on the cheese and crackers cause I whine about bad people getting away with murder whilst I live in luxury.
I am a bad mother f#@$er.
There was something I thought about sharing but I can't remember what it was.
Something nice.
How we should take care of each other.
Won't remember till later and then it will seem drool.
Life is good for most of us right now right?
I am not the only one getting by right?
The next job I hope to get will be a heck of a lot better so I will actually be doing better than right now and right now is good enough.
Later will decide what I feel about right now.
While I was in the service I was sure that anything other than what I doing would be better.
I guess it's all the same.
Bad people are out there and there is nothing we can do except ignore them as much as we can.
Hit me I need the money.

If I only had a brain

Last night was one of nights when you wish every night was as easy.
Much had gotten done and I never lost my cool and referred to my co-workers as slow and lazy. For one thing I was much to busy and I never saw how slow they are, the other thing is I guess I have to give up expecting anyone there at this time of being able to compete with me.
The extra work I voluntarily did was of some benefit to someone but for myself it was another show of strength. Sometimes I wonder how other people can say that something is to hard for them to do alone when they don't even try.
Yes, I am a machine I guess. Everyone knows it but they must dislike me for showing them up. That is until I come over and give them some help and then they get all goofy and start expecting me to do all of the work.
I ain't that stupid.
Watch me drop the gear into low and slow and work just as hard as they do.
That is until I forget and start kickin butt.
News out there in the world isn't all I expect it to be.
N. Korea says it will give up it's nukes if we promise not to attack.
We lie, they lie.
I'm more worried about someone else comin over and trying to kick our butt and starting the ball rolling. I'm pretty sure the world is heading for something.
Here's a thought. Why don't we hold people accountable for what they do?
I know I hold myself accountable. If I don't say hello to someone, even if I dislike the nasty cur I feel bad. Like I disappointed them. Like my saying hello means that they will have a decent day or something. Like I'm something or something.
People should know that I hold them in contempt once they show me that they are worthy of my disregard but I'm much to chicken to tell anyone how feeble they are to their face. Maybe they tried their best or something.
Something. You figure it out. I know what I mean. Innuendo. Even now I won't come out and say that I will revel in your abandon. That I pity all you poor people who didn't do what I did all my life. I only hope I am the fool and I never have to do what I think I will have to do. (Nothing creepy I assure you) The last thing I will be is a threat. Four years of auto shop did help. Four years of U.S. Army Infantry did as well.
I always wondered what to do in combat. Do I zig or zag? Duck and dodge?
Now I know. First I say it and then I do it.
The number of stories I've read and the times I've heard the guys say that they just figured they were dead and went about the job are enough to know that anything is possible and that's why they make us do it over and over so that in times of duress we react without thinking.
I have never been in any trouble.
I have never had a fight.
I never hated anyone so much that I said I did.
I did stuff, but it was all to easy for me to think it was anything worth thinking it was anything. I will relate the experience but I do not give it any credence compared to what others have had to endure.
I do not want to hurt anyone ever.
I will hurt the heck out of someone given the right reason.
Leave my mom alone or suffer!
Ha! Made you blink!

kickin butt

Last night was a butt stompin free for all as I out worked and out performed all others and left the job knowing that my share of labor had made my job that more secure. I am a freaking machine!
I will pay for the effort I am sure.
The full (or nearly full) moon must have been making me extra frisky last night or I am just feeling the attributes of eating better than in the recent past.
Usually one meal a day is good enough for me with the tiny nosh here and there and certainly the beer or two after work does me just fine. This weekend I have two steaks with fixin's to devour and I anticipate the luxury of such things.
I am at this moment not unhappy.
I am not unaffected by the plight of all others today but I am once again at ease with certain aspects of my life and wish to only rest and relax for these two meager days off and return to my brutal workplace secure with the knowledge that eight hours of labor isn't going to hurt, just watching my co-workers slacking off might.
I did rant and rave a bit last night as I watched some of the folks I know as associates gather around and have a good old time conversing as they worked and it is not jealousy that makes my disgust rise, it is the fact that the same job that they were doing has been, and will be done by one person in half the time.
Such is life.
Such a thing was similar in the service.
I spent a month or so training and then testing fellow grunts in the use of a compass to determine an azimuth for a certain medal we all attempted to achieve and the number of NCO's coming through who could not even do that simple task made me realize that time in service was all they had to live for and hopefully, maybe they were good people or something.
You point the compass at a terrain feature and read off a number. How hard can it be?
I know that there are a bunch of our fellow folks over in the war zones right now being lead by incompetent buttheads who scraped by long enough to kill some of their own buds by sheer stupidity. That's why the word frag became known as a method of dealing with morons.
The weak will be eaten first.
Follow only the orders that you know are legal.
No one can order you to die for your country. You might have to do so but there is no way 'they' have the authority to commit murder. Yur buds might frag you later but stepping out to see if there is a sniper around is something you keep the malingerers around for. That and someone has to check the air after being in mop four in a battlefield environment that might still be contaminated.
Life sure does suck huh?
We all get a chance to be who we want to be though.
God only expects us to live.
I wonder if he lets babies die because he is teaching someone a lesson.
I never said he didn't have a plan.
Maybe he uses death as a way to teach us all the value of life.

Beer taste's to good for my own good

Long night last night of kicking butt at work and the slow and weak are still doing their thing.
After waaaaay to many beers I am contemplating not going in tonight.
Getting to old for this stuff.
May the gods smile upon me and release me from this oppression and grant me a boon of that other job soon.
Ahhh beer.
The equalizer.
Life is good once again as long as I don't turn on the tube and find out the tally of people getting blown up by other people who hate.
Why can't we all just get along?
Nuf said for this day.
Time for sleepy bye.

The slow and weak will be eaten

Work has it's benefits. Cash.
Other than the end product of receiving monetary gain from my labors I am not thrilled with having to deal with some of the other people on this planet.
Where does it say that I can't be the slacker?
Why do I have to finish everyday of work tired and dirty and anxious that everything is finished to the best of my abilities?
Who made me this way?
Those years in the service of my country should have worn off by now. The brainwashing must have been diluted by the many hours of drinking and watching the boob tube.
Maybe what I have to do is just give up.
Become exactly like some of my co-workers and do as little as possible to get by and let the chips fall where they may.
That or get a better paying position somewhere.
My book writing has it's problems. I can review and edit, rewrite and purge, polish and make perfect the first paragraph only to read it again in a week and think there is something that can be said better.
Ah heck.
Just like this drivel.
Who cares?
It is a great story anyway.
Make me a million bucks easy if anyone else liked it enough to read it and publish it.
I remember when a million dollars was a whole lot of money. That show with Gene- whats his name?- as the millionaire who did something like go around and solve crime or something. Was on around the same time as Honey West. I liked her cat.
Then again...
I liked my cat better.
___,,,=^..^=,,,___
Only after the rest of us solve or little problems will we look out at the rest of the world and solve their problems.
Did you think how lucky you were to turn on the tap and get a clean glass of water out of the faucet the last time you did or are you one of them folks who has to drink bottled water cuz the water out of the tap isn't good enough?
That question was directed at people who have clean water coming out of the tap.
Some people don't have a tap.
When I was about to join the peace corps they said stuff like the fact that they don't go into a place a build a well with a pump, they build a well with a rope and a bucket because people can make ropes and buckets but they can't build pump parts.
Why can't other parts of our world be as smart as that?
Our governments, our Friends, us?
Kiss
K.I.S.S.
Keep It Simple Stupid.
As said before. One law and then a person doing the thinking after that.
Killing is wrong.
Don't kill.
If you do then know the fact that you might get killed.
Dying is easy.
Everybody does.
Just before you do you wish you had another chance.
Clutching at straws and all.
I had a near death experience a couple times and it wasn't bad at all.
Of course I was sorta doing to myself. Fasting, then drinking sort of thing but the whole thing about going out and meeting the others (dead folks) was okay. I was reassured that they were okay and to tell their folks that everything was okay and then I heard the commotion back here and said I'd be right back to talk but I had to go back and reassure people that I was okay but when I did I couldn't get back cause I woke up and things were as they are.
I didn't mind. Didn't harm me a bit.
Scared everyone else to a frazzle.
To reassure them I had a EKG and a check up but I knew what I did and screw them.
Even if it was something out of my id then so what?
I still ain't afraid to die.
Ask the people at my work. I ask them to kill me all the time.
Sick ain't I?
Probably.
Who cares?
Not me.
(I do)
I worry all the time about what I project. Like 'Am I a jerk for having said that?' 'Did he or she think I meant something else because what I meant was something totally different?' 'Don't they get the joke?'
I must admit I am weird.
I give a hoot.
Other people can say it better but what I know is that when you give 'your word', promise something, it has to have meaning or you ain't nothing.
That old saying "A man is only as good as his word" is for people who live around the guy back in the old days when someone wasn't going anywhere.
Now a'days people come and go so often with job changes and other crap that they can fool you with never having to be tested.
My friends can rely on me.
So far.
Stuff happens.
There is no law that says we have to be perfect.
Best if we are not. Might give us some sort of complex or something.
I lost FORTY pounds! Ask me how.
"How did you lose forty pounds?"
I worked for a living!
No. Actually I just worked like a dog and the pounds melted off. Better than a gym. They paid me.
Had a girl tell me I was skinny. That and something about my tiny butt.
In todays lingo I know she wants it.
She wants it bad.
Skinny!
Growing up I was skinny.
Then I found four squares and a cot in the service.
Man I grew!
Always knew I was bigger.
Now I'm skinny.
er.
Skinny-er.
Kinda miss my belly.
Meant I wasn't so tired from working all the time.
I gotta go to sleep or else I'll have to go back to work worse than I am now which is

Calm before the storm

It is getting close to the time when I will have to go back to work after a very short weekend.
Though I must admit I did catch up on some much needed sleep and laying around time I still have a few aches and pains that are the result of kicking butt at work last week and only a prolonged rest will allow any recuperation I fear.
Such will not be the case as this week may be as heavy and stressful as last and there is little if anything I can do about it as the money earned by my labors will allow me to survive until something better comes along. All I know is that I will do my best to complete any work sent my way and assist any of my associates with any overflow, even if they are of the slow and lazy type I am surrounded by.
Am I so old? Do not the younger people among us realize that work is given to those who perform and the boot is given to those who work at getting away with doing as little as possible?
Yes I know that there plenty of my generation that are of the slow and lazy ilk yet those around me at work seem to be able to perform at a steady, get the work done pace night after night without complaint, unlike myself.
Years of brain washing in the army has left me with a brain that I just can't seem to do anything with let alone use.
Maybe I should preview such things that I write here before I publish them but I believe I shall never have anyone else read any of this so this is my own little world. My journal to the world.
I'm so great.
I'm sooo cool.
I'm not.
I am.
Leave me alone.
Help me to understand why we have so much evil in the world when there is so much we can do with just a little honesty.
How much power and money does it take to satisfy some of these people?
I don't care.
I believe in the simple things I learned as a child.
Why have a thousand different laws when the first one was enough.
Killing someone is against the law. Why have different laws as far as if they were gay or police officers or green for that matter.
Oh yeah. I forgot. The revolving door into and out of our prisons.
Kill someone and get life in prison and then get out in seven.
Then back in and back out and maybe third strike material stuff when the first time used to be enough to be strung up at the nearest tree and 'poof' no more problem.
Yes I know how many innocent people are killed by our justice system as well.
I can't seem to get ahead yet I can help spend millions of dollars to house and defend someone who killed his family who will appeal his death sentence how many times costing me even more money?
That money could go to helping others out here who need a proper education and hope for the future.
My own thoughts are scrambled.
The old "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" is something that has kept me from doing many things that might have been easier than brutal days of labor that have worn me to a nub yet I can hold my head up and my shoulders back with just a tiny bit of pride. I worked for what I got.
What little charity I received has been when I had no other way of surviving. I am thankful and won't deny anyone a helping hand.
That is a helping hand. Not a hand out that becomes a way of life for some.
Nag nag nag.
There but by the grace of god go I. (Everyone else as well)
Five days till payday!
What does the future hold for us?
We will see won't we?

Oh the Joy!

Why don't I remember how lucky I am all the time?
How come I feel like I am being oppressed when things do not go my way?
Compared to a lot of people on this earth I am the luckiest man alive and I should feel guilty.
Inside my tiny mind I am nothing special and empathize with every hard luck story I see and hear about. A whole bunch of people die every day, not always from natural causes I'm sure and what would they give for just one more day of life? My life?
Not that there is any guarantee that today is not my last day as well.
As I make the best of things as well as I can I sometimes do reflect that I have worked hard to have such a hum drum life and I want things the way they are.
I am lucky.
I was born at the right time and moved through life missing the bad parts by moments perhaps, escaping to this time with most of my parts still attached.
When I do feel especially down on myself I have to remember that there were days when what I did was noticed and I did do some things that made a difference to others in a good way.
A little cheese and crackers with that whine?
As far as everybody else being in harms way, surviving disaster and/or war, there but by the grace of god go we.
Day ain't over and I don't hear anyone promising me that all is well.
Let's all go out and do our chores and get ready for the next week with the intent that maybe something will happen and we will have to decide the fate of other peoples life with our actions.
Will we be the nice guy or the selfish guy? (person)
Who will know?
You'd better stay out of my way. Work is an ordeal with other people being the reason. Why should I work as hard as I do when 'they' can walk around sipping a cup of joe or chatting with co-workers?
Young folks!
Am I the old person I swore I would never become?
Am I old?
I don't feel old.
I seem to kick butt and not suffer the next day from the exertion.
I bet I can still hump a sixty pound ruck and a sixty farther than you can.
Now I remember!
I am free!
I am doing just as I please without someone telling me when I can go and come.
Now I remember!
Oh the joy!

It may be a mess but it's my world

The sad thing is some of us don't have a freaking clue.
What happens in the world while we are busy living in this 'one' moment in time happens.
Certainly things will happen even if we ourselves are not here right?
Yet if a pebble is thrown into a pond it does make ripples.
We are not expected to be perfect are we? I thought we just got to live.
What happens-happens.
Do you or don't you? Do this or that? Help or hinder?
Your decision.
My decision.
Take responsibility for what you do with every thought and every deed, every day and every second of your life.
Plenty of quotes to quote but my personnal favorite of late still is "Why can't we all just get along?"
I don't think we ever will be able to live in peace but then again I am a nobody.
I want for nothing that I can aquire through effort and desire only a few unattainable things that remain goals to be achived.
I'd like to think that the good in the world still out weighs the evil but I am not so sure the grand design of things makes any difference between the two.
What I belive to be good may be someone else's evil anyway.
From early on I had been taught certain things about life and I was told I must regard them as fact only to change my opinion later in life from personnal experience and seeing that the facts of the matter are not always what I expected.
I have grown now to doubt anything I hear about everything is the truth.
Why lie? Why admit to being a small person?
That is all for me now.